Saturday, June 4, 2011

Tree and Light Switch Missing

Last night I went out to sit on the patio to talk to Jill for a bit.  As I sat down on the edge and looked out over the field, I realized the neighbors' birdhouse pole was standing again.  My gaze scanned back across the land, and I then realized the fallen tree was gone!

I cannot believe how oblivious to what's going on that I can be here inside the house.  Larry came over and took that tree apart enough to move it, then moved it, and I had no clue someone was demolishing a tree not more than 60 feet from the house.

Well, I suppose the neighbors can be relieved that I'm no threat as a busybody living near them. When we lived in Harriman, TN, a widow in her 80s lived across the street.  I swear if I ever needed to know what was going on in town, all I had to do was visit her.  She knew when everybody came and went.

Dad was up at 9:30 this morning, and Mom amazingly was up and eating breakfast by 11:00 a.m. We're out of her favorite rice cereal. Blech. I'm going to have to go to the store.

I did a little gardening in the planters on the patio tonight. Thinned the parsley and repositioned it.  Repositioned the basil.  I think I'm going to get a fine crop of both.  Jinx!

After that I replaced a light bulb in a light post on the corner of the patio. Max and I have joke that we are going to make a family banner, and on it will be the letters "WIEFD?!" So our family motto is "Why Is Everything Fuckin' Difficult?!"

The lamp post is a perfect example.  First, I hate heights. So this lamp post is a regular, about 6' tall lamp post, mounted on a concrete pillar about 2' tall. So the height of the bulb to be replaced is about 7'6" from the patio. The corner of the patio the lamp post is on is about 2' higher than the ground. So I'm trying to replace a light bulb about 9'6" off the ground.

I get the kitchen step ladder because only God knows where the normal small ladder is hidden. Or if it even exists anymore. To replace the bulb, you have to unscrew 2 screws in, yep, the top of the lamp post. No, it couldn't be as simple as a side pane of glass opening up.

So I balance on the kitchen step ladder and struggle to unscrew screws which haven't been turned since the ice age, as far as I know. Fun. Finally they're unscrewed.  I replace the burned out bulb with a new corkscrew long-lasting bulb. It lights immediately, blinding me.

The problem with the new bulbs is that the bases are so deep on the bulb that in this lamp post, half of the bulb is in the lid of the fixture. Mmmm, says I, I should put a regular bulb in there to get the most light out of the bulb - rather than having half of it blocked by the lid of the lamp post.

Okay, we need to turn the light off so I can touch the bulb, which is now too hot to touch. There's a big problem.  That lamp post has a light switch that has traveled into the Twilight Zone. It doesn't exist in any known plane of existence. I hunted for half an hour for the light switch to turn that lamp post off. Joe admitted he's gotten too old to remember where it is.

I finally teetered and tottered and got the lid to the lamp post screwed back on - can't risk damp getting into the thing. Dusk has an amplifying affect on step ladders and height, especially when torquing a screw. Anyone watching me would have laughed their butts off.

That bulb may have to stay on until it burns out.  And I had to be brilliant and use a long-lasting bulb.

No comments: