An Explanation

I feel the need to explain a few things.

I am not made of money.

• I had to buy tags for my car - $120.
• The days I had to hire sitters for my mother to allow me to attend my son's wedding cost a total of $1,561.
• The days we paid for a hotel room in Frankfort were at least $267.
• We had to eat, preferably, 3 meals a day while there - at least $45 on the cheap per day x 3 days - $135.
• We had to pay for gas to get there and back - At least $150.
• I had to buy a dress appropriate for the mother of the groom - on sale around $50.
• Max had to buy a suit appropriate for the dad of the groom - basic acceptable $100.
• We had to pay our share of the rehearsal dinner the groom's family picks up - let's just say over $300.
• We gave the newlyweds an appropriate financial wedding gift - none of your business.
• I am spending around $30 every two days for gas to go to Paducah on, right now, a seemingly daily basis.
• Sitters for mother cost $9 an hour.
• It's not nice to constantly impose requests for sitting on relatives.
• Max's income covers our present debts and household expenses. He lives in Memphis. He has to be housed, fed, clothed and buy gas to get to work.
• My parents' income just barely covers their household expenses, grocery bills, and 72 hours ($648) of sitters.

The last four weeks have been a whirlwind of one week of dealing with Dad's bad behavior, his crisis &  unexpected illnesses with two hospital stays, a hopefully once in a lifetime wedding, arranging sitters, still maintaining daily living, and travel on a daily basis.

I cannot care for my father. The decision to put him a nursing home was heart wrenching in and of itself. He has been miserable, combative - hitting and kicking caretakers and verbally threatening them. His behavior has made him ineligible at most facilities. It's been a non-stop fight to find a place that will take him. 

He was only eligible for 20 days of Medicare; the first place that would take him didn't/doesn't have a Medicaid bed available, so a transfer was mandatory. Three places have refused him.

He IS NOT eligible for any present VA benefits. To become eligible his only disability is deafness. To be declared eligible he has to be taken to a VA facility - closest Marion, Illinois. To be taken there, he has to not be combative, healthy enough to not be in the hospital, have enough energy to withstand the ordeal, and be mobile enough to go where it's needed.

My mother cannot be left alone for more than a few hours at a time, thus needing a sitter. Again - pay or relatives. 

I am nearly 60 and cannot go like I did at 20. One person can only do so much, and I am doing the absolute best that I can.